Day 28 with no nicotine! Almost to 30!

Man, last night, at rehearsal, my stamina and breathing got a reality check. I have been doing a few exercises to increase my breath and some vocal runs to increase my range. But, I discovered last night, much to my amazement, that almost 30 days no smoking doesn't matter in the real world. LOL I have to admit, I am glad I stopped when I did, cause I can definitely tell the difference already. Man I hope my voice and lung capacity gets better. I KNOW it will, but I can't help but wonder after last nights escapade. I was running short of breath, starting to hear cracks in my voice etc. I got worried about it to the point I had to take extra 5 minute breaks, against the wish of the other band members. They couldn't understand that I didn't magickally become super lung after this amount of not smoking. I have to gradually increase my stamina, it doesn't miraculously increase over 30 days. LOL!

I can hardly wait to feel the difference after training in cardio and strength training for at least 30 days plus. I figure after the years of abuse to my physical stature, I deserve some time to recuperate my health before taxing it too much. I wish I could afford a house of my own, that way I could work out in private without having to share machines with the rest of the apartment complex. At least I don't have to pay for a health club.

On the relationship front....wow that could be a long blog! For real!! What is it about relationships and me that always seems to screw up? I mean, I am to the point I think I should be terminally single! Every time I think something is going the way I want, I get another, are you ready for this? A reality check. Go figure. I mean, I DID tell my current girlfriend that "being ready to be the girlfriend of a rock star is not something many people make it through". Did she really listen? I think not. Matter of fact be known, she makes as many demands to my time and gets mad when I cannot come through with 100% attention to her rather than my career in music. I know it's never fair to anyone in a relationship to have to share the time together, but in all fairness, I did warn her about what to expect from me. This is just into the rehearsal time too. Not going over 45 miles 3 times per week to see her has caused her some stress and makes her think I don't want to be with her. Instead, her head has conversations without me talking to her! I have had thos issues before, but I worked through them successfully. I grew past my silent 1 sided conversations and sabatoging relationships because I want out. That's all in my past. However....in the past few months, I have come to realize, I am not the only one in the relationship to worry about it. With going to the studio twice per week, she already thinks we have "grown apart". Well, what happens when I leave for weeks or months at a time? What about tour? I know she's important, just as our son is. I know she has feelings, but I do too. I cannot afford to put off my dream any longer, for anyone. I can hold true to my commitment to my son and time with him, but, I am seriously considering breaking my relationship for the time being. This way I can focus on music more than I already do. After all, I may not make a million dollars overnight, but without the effort put forth into the musical arena, I may be working on the dream until retirement age. I don't want that to be my "Quest for the Holy Grail". You know?

I need to be able to put 90% of my attention into my craft. Not to mention I still have to work 9-5 to pay my bills until I can escape the check to check issue. Once I can devote ALL my waking time to my new career in the industry, then I will feel better. And yes, I do consider that to be realistic and a goal worth working towards. Sacrifice, hmmm, should I sacrifice my companionship issues to be more in tune with my band? Should I focus all my free time to working on music? Does that make it okay? Do I hurt others in the process and feel okay about it all when the results come in? Do I work for the platinum record in life and forget all other emotions in my life? What about love? I want to be loved and love someone as well, but what cost do I pay?

Just random thoughts, after all, that is why I blog under that heading.

Peace out.

27 days nicotine free! YEAH!! Not that anyone actually reads my blog. lol!

And, oh yes, I am still going to start working out at the 30 day mark. It's coming soon!


Check out the sounds of the band I'm in...

http://www.soundclick.com/pro/view/01/default.cfm?bandID=239397

ALSO

http://www.lostgenerationmusic.com/

Keep checking back for show dates and times, we will be hitting the studio soon and after that you can count on us hitting the stage in a venue near you! Not limited to the Texas area.

So, it's been a weekend....never long enough for me though. I'm 26 days into not smoking, I think I "may" have this thing whipped. I did have a weird smoker dream last night though. In the dream, I was with a family member that smokes and I asked for a cigarette. I even justified to myself that it was only 1, that it wouldn't hurt me. When I woke up, thankfully I was not smoking. LOL. However, I DID find it necessary to brush my teeth, like I had smokers breath or something. Like I said, weird!

So, all kids of stuff going on in the news you know...Has anyone seen what is happening in Iraq and Iran lately? Does the majority of our US citizens even pay attention to what is happening? Is it propoganda that keeps us not realizing what is going on, or just the limited media attention that the war is getting now? I can tell many people about the way the republican party has covered up the war and it's efforts to mis-lead the general public into believing the hype and lies, but I would just be a propoganda monger if I did that. Or the SS might show up to quiet me, seeing as how I am a security threat because of my free thinking you know. All of the foreign lack of keep-our-nose-out-of-others-business has left a dirty rotten taste in my mouth. Why? Because of all the s##t we have been fed over the years. Tends to make any one's mouth taste nasty huh?

And another thing...What the hell is the deal with the lawsuit in Michigan over the Street preachers that got removed from the public park? The "Wiccan's" obviously had a Pagan Pride day scheduled with the parks admin! Leave them the hell alone! If a pagan voice had mingled in a christian right protest or march or whatever, they would have been in the wrong as well. We ALL have freedoms that are "supposed" to be respected AND protected by the constitution, whether or not it was written by or approved by the religious ruling party of the time. Listen, do we, as a nation, consider ourselves to be free? If so, why is it so hard to understand that there is more than 1 way to believe? How is it that one person or one denomination has to be a stick in the mud about another person's faith? It is so dumb to claim freedom of religion if that is only a saying for us to trap others into living here and being subjected to a mass of fools and idiots that can't keep their nose out of anothers faith. Especially, a faith that the majority of Christians have no clue about!

I am a prior practitioner of a WIDELY recognized West Isean faith. You can call it what you will, but in that path, there are many god(dess'). Remember, and again the majority does not know this, but, the Sumerian civilization was and is still credited for the majority of the world's religions. At least, they are creditied for recording the first known paths of religion. As they were subjected to many occupations by enemy nations, that faith was diluted and distributed into the world by many means. As has the idea of Christianity. Think about it....The crusades caused the death of countless millions of people that were killed for what? A god's dictation that all non-believers should die? What god demands the death of innocent people of different cultures? Oh, I forgot, the christian god has no other gods before him, right? So that makes it okay to kill those that won't or refuse to convert. I get it.

Okay, enough of the soapbox, for now.

So, 23 days smoke free. I think I am finally past most of the psychological issues presented to me in a smoke free environment. I find that I feel SO much better now and it's not even gotten to the 30 day mark yet! I can't wait to see how I feel after the 90 day mark! WOW! I am so anxious to start my work out, I almost started the other day, but I can still feel a little bit of my lung capacity resisting. So, I'll wait a little longer to see how much better I can get my body to respond before I start training.

Okay, another topic. Music. Have I mentioned I am a musician? Have I mentioned that I love playing and singing? I must mention in this post, how much I appreciate being given talents that I can use and build upon in my life. Thank God for gifting me with rhythm, a good ear for tunes and the ability to express myself. I don't know what I would do without the gifts. Guess I would be considered "normal" (shudder) God forbid!

I DO wish to give a shout out to my band mates in "Lost Generation", last night rehearsal was SMOKIN! Also to Universal Rehearsal in Dallas, for providing the service they do to the musical community of Dallas. They provide a great place to rehearse and perfect our craft. To all the bands in DFW, keep playing, practicing, gigging...keep dreaming of success, keep working towards making an impact on the music scene, eventually those dreams will be realized!

Peace!

The following is directly from CNN.com. I can never help but comment on articles that involve our illustrious bumbleheaded commander in chief. How I ask you, is he supposed to offer any real solutions to ANY problem we face in either environment or economics? He's already on his way out! How can 2 more years result in anything but further damage to our nations economy or morale? If he has 45-50 minutes to give this State of the Union address, can we the people have that long for a rebuttal? Just an idea. I don't think I could do any better at addressing the major issues ahead of us in the face of such trying times, but I damn sure could be a bit more eloquent and I sure as hell would not let anyone write my speech for me. (if I did, I would proof read it before I read it to the public) So, here you are, the article in full. I'll hopefully be watching the re-run of the speech at a later date.

(oh yeah, 20 days no smoking!)


WASHINGTON (CNN) -- When he gives his sixth State of the Union address Tuesday evening, President Bush will be facing an angry citizenry dissatisfied with his leadership by a 2-to-1 ratio.
The CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll, released on the eve of the speech, found only 34 percent of respondents approved of Bush's job performance while 63 percent disapproved.
Two-thirds of respondents say that Bush has done something to make them angry -- a figure that has grown six points since last year and 16 points since Bush's State of the Union in 2004.
Fifty-five percent of respondents said Bush's presidency is a failure, and 51 percent said they trust Bush less than they trusted his predecessor in the Oval Office, Bill Clinton. (The numbers on trust -- PDF)
And Bush should not expect the State of the Union to help his image, if history is any guide. Since 1952, presidents have lost about half a percentage point, on average, from their approval ratings after State of the Union speeches. Bush's approval rating dropped two points after last year's State of the Union.
The president's approval has changed little in recent days, the poll found. On January 11, it was 35 percent and, in mid-December, it was 36 percent. Last January, it was 43 percent. (Bush's approval numbers -- PDF)
The poll was carried out Friday through Sunday and was based on telephone interviews with 1,008 adult Americans. It has a sampling error of plus-or-minus 3 points. Full coverage of the speech will begin on CNN at 7 p.m. ET.
The CNN/Opinion Research findings echo an Associated Press-AOL News poll conducted January 16-18 that put the president's approval rating at 36 percent. (Full story)
In that AP poll, Americans listed health care, the economy and Iraq as the issues that concern them the most. (i-Report: Deliver your own State of the Union address)
A new plan to make health insurance taxable income and give families a deduction on the first $15,000 in health insurance costs ($7,500 for singles) is among the "bold proposals" Bush will put forth in Tuesday's address, White House spokesman Tony Snow said Monday. (Watch what issues the president will address in his State of the Union speech )
Speaking on CNN's "American Morning" on Tuesday, Snow said Bush's plan "offers an opportunity to open up the health care system in a way that it's never had before."
Snow said the effect will be similar to what happened when market forces were let loose on prescription drug prices.
"You get major retailers fighting ... to provide medicine as cheaply as possible and at the same time effectively," he explained. "Prices are one-third lower than people expected."
Snow said Monday that Bush's "revenue-neutral" proposal on health care would boost costs for some people but would also raise the prospect that more than 100 million people "will pay less for health insurance and millions more not presently insured will have access to it." (Full story)
Democrats, however, charge that turning health benefits into taxable income will raise the taxes of millions of Americans. And Republicans with close ties to the White House are concerned the plan is so confusing that the Democratic allegations will stick.
"They're already having problems explaining it," one senior Republican strategist said of the White House. "The president is going to have to explain it very well."
The White House said this year's State of the Union address will not be a "laundry list" of proposals but will focus on a few topics -- including health care, immigration and energy policies. (Quiz: Test your State of the Union knowledge)
While senior officials suggested last week that Iraq would be a small part of the speech, one official said Monday that Iraq would now be a "significant portion" of the address.
Bush will also offer a "big proposal" on the environment, Snow said.
"It's one that also does not force people to choose between having a clean environment and having a job," he said.
The Republicans' November loss of a majority in Congress will not deter the president from addressing big issues, Snow said.
The president "understands his obligation as commander-in-chief is to go ahead and address forthrightly big problems and come up with solutions."
Despite predicting last week that Bush's State of the Union address would be much shorter than usual this year, senior White House aides now say that after three rehearsals -- and all kinds of tweaking -- the speech is creeping up to last year's length of 51 minutes.
"It's running 45 to 50 minutes long," said one senior administration official.

Oh yes, I almost forgot to mention...this is my 19th day smoke free. YAHOO!! I could never have accomplished this feat if not for strong will power and good stress management. (even though I have been stressed out). I REFUSE to smoke!

Peace.

BETHLEHEM, Pa. - An elderly man who wrote in a letter to the editor about
Saddam Hussein's execution that "they hanged the wrong man" got a visit from
Secret Service' agents concerned he was threatening
President Bush'.
The letter by Dan Tilli, 81, was published in Monday's edition of The Express-Times of Easton, Pa. It ended with the line, "I still believe they hanged the wrong man."
Tilli said the statement was not a threat. "I didn't say who — I could've meant (Osama) bin Laden," he said Friday.
Two Secret Service agents questioned Tilli at his Bethlehem apartment Thursday, briefly searching the place and taking pictures of him, he said.
The Secret Service confirmed the encounter. Bob Slama, special agent in charge of the Secret Service's Philadelphia office, said it was the agency's duty to investigate.
The agents almost immediately decided Tilli was not a threat, Slama said
"We have no further interest in Dan," he said.
Tilli said the agents appeared more relaxed when he dug out a scrapbook containing more than 200 letters that he has written over the years, almost all on political topics.
"He said, 'Keep writing, but just don't make no threats,'" Tilli said of one of the agents.
It wasn't Tilli's first run-in with the federal government over his letter writing. Two
FBI' agents from Allentown showed up at his home last year about a letter he wrote advocating a civil war to unseat Bush, he said.

What the hell is our government doing? I mean, for real! How the hell does the Secret Service get off questioning someone about a simple letter? Are they really becoming the "SS" of a different kind? Censor everything we write into the editor, censor what is loaded to the internet regarding free thinking. How the hell do they get off? I have to say...Our government is getting to the point that ANYTHING we say can and will be used in search warrants, in questioning by the "SS goons", our lovely presidente` is closer to being related to a certain dictator I heard about. I wonder if the goons will question Presidente Chavez for telling the US to "go to hell"? I bet that would go over like a lead balloon! Seriously now...how far do we allow our government to go before we enact the stops and put a halt on our elected officials? How much leeway does the SS get when a simple letter gets published and even an inkling of disagreement is contained within? I just love the way our politicians get over on the rest of the country. Yet, we are still counted as the best "free" country in the world. To quote a certain rock icon...Metallica...

"Independence Limited, Freedom of Choice Choice Is Made for You My Friend, Freedom of Speech Is Words That They Will Bend, Freedom with Their Exception"

Does this make sense? I know I will ALWAYS write as a free man. No matter what they may try to do. Try to impose their will upon who? USa? Think about it.

The time is coming when all will be revealed.

"Truth, in it's entirety, is falsehood in the mouths of the lawmakers."

That's all I have to say about that, for the moment.

First of all, let me say that at the 15 day mark of no smoking, I am still a little stressed out. Not thinking about or wanting to smoke, but stressed all the same.

Lets just say I should have stayed at home this morning in bed. Should have awoke to an herbal concoction to take the edge off before venturing into work land, (if you know what I mean, and I think you do. ;)

Anyways, people in the world, take heed of what is going on in our planet right now. Have you seen that the "apocolypse clock" has moved? I think wee can assure ourselves, that a clock being moved by human hands is not bringing our imminent doom any closer. ALLTHOUGH, I do know we are about to be subjected to some of the weirdest weather patterns we have ever seen before now and will see again. El Nino be damned! This is global warming at it's worst. California seeing freezes that damage or descimate the citrus crops, ice in the Texas south.....c'mon, do you really think it's a temporary thing? No! It's been headed this way for decades, if not centuries. We are in the midst of global change to our environment and there is really nothing to be done about it now. It's already too late for us to make changes to reverse the damage inflicted. All we can do now is try to encourage less waste, less polutants and better solutions, not talks or theories or speculation.

So, in this light, I hope all our fellow humans will unite and try to work together in the fight against environmental terrorism.

Peace out, spaceship earth.

12 days smoke free! WOW, what a difference that time makes on your mental and physical health! I thought I would post a few facts about quitting smoking, I found the information on this website http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=33568
(courtesy: American Lung Association).

The first year after quitting: At 2 weeks to 3 months:

1.circulation improves
2.walking becomes easier
3.lung function increases

1 to 9 months:

coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue, shortness of breath decreases

1 year:

excess risk of coronary heart disease is decreased to half that of a smoker

Long-term Benefits of QuittingAt 5 years:

from 5 to 15 years after quitting, stroke risk is reduced to that of people who have never smoked.

At 10 years:

risk of lung cancer drops to as little as one-half that of continuing smokers
risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, and pancreas decreases
risk of ulcer decreases

At 15 years:
risk of coronary heart disease is now similar to that of people who have never smoked
risk of death returns to nearly the level of people who have never smoked

Wow! What a concept and motivation to me! I hope I can affect change upon my other bad habits in life, to keep myself young for a long time to come! If I can help someone else in the effort to quit smoking, by offering advice, tips or encouragement, I hope I will be able to offer that support. If I can do it, I know that others can as well.

Peace! (no smoking) ;)
Toby

7 day mark! Smoking is not even on my agenda of things to do anymore!! Now I need to convince the guys in the band not to smoke in the rehearsal space. I can tell that the smoke affects my singing, even if I'm not the one smoking. Plus, it makes my hair and clothes stink to high heaven! Not to mention, it can still damage my lungs and singing ability severly.

So, at the end of a 30 day smoke free period, I will also begin my work out routine. I am already working up the particulars now.

I went to see my doctor today. I got a physical exam. Guess what? I'm still alive. LOL!
Blood pressure is down, pulse is slower (good) no real issues with my heart or lungs. Reflexes etc are all okay too. Imagine what these will be like 90 days from now?

Peace.

6 days into no smoking and I am loving it!! I can't believe I didn't put the nasty things down sooner!!

I love the self confidence I am gaining back. I feel better, SMELL better and oh yes, I don't wheeze when I breathe. Imagine that!
So, I have had minimum cravings, but not too bad. I am going to blog all the way through this.

Peace out.

So, I'm 48 hours plus into my smoke free lifestyle. I won't lie to anyone and say it's the easiest thing I've ever done, but I keep telling myself the positive things I cvstand to gain from quitting the nasty tobacco habits.

1. My health
2. I get to see my child grow up (see # 1)
3. My voice (career habits, also see #1)
4. Finances remain intact, to a point.

So, there are 4 good reasons already to keep me off the bandwagon of smokers-r-us. To you smokers out there, let me assure you that quitting smoking for the 48 hours I have under my belt, already show changes in not only my mental capacity, but also in my stamina.

I helped the band I am in to move our rehearsal space from the 1st floor to the 2nd floor last night. Let me tell you, that stuff is not light weight. We're talking at least a good 2000 lbs total of equipment, between 5 guys, carrying it up the stairs was somewhat alleviated by the convenience of a conveyor belt to move the largest items, but, with the other stuff, I found out exactly how out of shape I really am. My breathing was labored to a point, at least I have 2 days now. My breathing will become better as time goes by.

The last time I stopped smoking, went 1 1/2 years without cigarettes. I noticed that my sense of smell was greater, taste was spectacular, breathing was easier, my voice was alot higher in range and stronger. For your information, it is possible to be a guy and have a 4 octave range. Yes it is. My 2-3 octave range now, will likely improve back to where I wish it to be. I am so excited about my new found freedom from addiction that I cannot begin to tell the whole of it in one blog!!

I can say that I will miss drinking beer for the time being, as I have quit that as well. Only until I am safely out of the reach of the nicotine addiction. Seing as how drinking beer results in craving for tobacco in my case (that's part of how I went back to smoking when I had stopped for so long) Yeah, I know, it's dumb sounding, but, when you go to clubs and drink, smokers all around you, you take a couple of drags here and there and before you know it, you're buying a pack again. Evil, evil nasty habit!!

So, I will update as I go along this new path of smoke freeness (not sure if I made up a new word)LOL. So, if you think it cannot be done, take a look at what you are really made up of as a person. Each and every one of us on this planet are in control of what we allow ourselves to do. Will power and desire/want to will drive us to accomplish ANYTHING we set our minds to.

Enough for now, more later.........

Peace out, fellow humans.

Toby

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Let auld aquaintance be forgot.....and never brought to mind.....

What a new year it is too! So many things to discuss, so much time!

Let me start out by saying, I was completely un-thrilled by the Saddam Hussein Hanging. Even after hearing about it live as it happened and then seeing the pirated video of it, I still do not like the idea of death (even though he SO deserved it). Of course, I believe that he truely did a bad thing to humanity over the years, but, killing him does not resolve the fact that his people think him a Hero and Martyr. Hmmm, me thinks they're so accustomed to idiots and Hitler like people running their government that they idolize their infamous leader! Screwed up I tell you!

Well, I am STILL glad that I live in the USA, even though I don't always agree with the policies we impose upon ourselves. Even still, with a Democracy like this, we are able to vote without fear of reprisal with violence, unless you consider the vote or die reference from campaign 2004. I don't know who's idea that was, but I assure you, it wasn't me.

Well, other things are going on in my little world I consider to be my reality. I am moving forward with my divorce papers, little by little. I am fronting another Rock band in Dallas, called "Lost Generation". We are a group of 5 guys all in our mid to late 30's, (early 40's). We have Chris on Rhythm/lead, RJang on Primary lead/Rhythm, Steve on Bass, Donnie on Drums, Toby (hey, that's me) on lead vocals, I also do some acoustic work on a few songs.
We are aiming for the stars. Even if we never make it with our name in lights, we will still have a great time getting where we go and at least we'll have music to headbang to. LOL!!
While I am currently involved in a Rock project, I am also still involved with Blaming Grace, an acoustic eclectic blend of folk, pop, bluegrass, classic rock mixed with a bit of gospel. Whew! It's hard to identify with so many genre`s of music and still keep your own style open.

Anyway, I am off to a good start with my New Years resolution I think. To quit smoking, successfully even. You know, so many folks say "quitters never win", well, in the game of smoking, quitters are the best sort to hang around.

I look forward to my freedom from addiction to nicotine and tobacco (reminds me, to the idiot/genius that instituted the new higher tax on tobacco products, thanks alot!) At least I have another good reason to not buy into the corporate scheme to keep the working man down. Right?

Interestingly enough, did you know that Tobacco was used, originally, to bring down the white man? Hmm, I wonder if it worked? Serves them right after the pox filled blankets in winter! Hey whitey!! Thanks for the disease ridden blankets you morons, here, have a smoke, oh yeah, and thanks for the years of persecution so you could own land that you have no right to claim. Thanks for Liquor/firewater, thanks for the genocide you brought when you decided to "settle" our lands. Thanks for the help with losing our identity to Modernization.

Oh yeah, thanks for the way you treat our burial grounds as well as the dis-respect you have for the living Natives as well. Even in the current times we live in, I can say I am glad that I am quitting smoking. Now I can say I am separate from the white mans plan. No longer will I be kept down with a foot on my neck, addicted to a vice marketed by the corporate a$$wipes to increase their own fortune. RJR, I am putting you on notice. Winston/Salem, watch out, if my voice can be heard, and I assure you it's a loud one, you will not hear the last of me. I will be a stereotypical ex-smoker before too long...Trust me, I stopped smoking for over a year, but thanks to beer and nightclubs, my resolve was broken. While on hiatus from smoking, I was the nastiest ex-smoker you may ever know or choose to know. The smell alone of smokers within a radius of 5 miles was repulsing and nauseating to me. I can assure you that I am not alone on this quitting smoking bandwagon. Now that the price of cigarettes has gone up, do you plan on making other substances available on the legal market? Say cannabis sativa? I wish you would. I would stop drinking alcohol and not worry about tobacco EVER AGAIN!

So, with all of this said, I guess I should take a break for today and save more for later this week.

Peace out Humans.