Day 28 with no nicotine! Almost to 30!

Man, last night, at rehearsal, my stamina and breathing got a reality check. I have been doing a few exercises to increase my breath and some vocal runs to increase my range. But, I discovered last night, much to my amazement, that almost 30 days no smoking doesn't matter in the real world. LOL I have to admit, I am glad I stopped when I did, cause I can definitely tell the difference already. Man I hope my voice and lung capacity gets better. I KNOW it will, but I can't help but wonder after last nights escapade. I was running short of breath, starting to hear cracks in my voice etc. I got worried about it to the point I had to take extra 5 minute breaks, against the wish of the other band members. They couldn't understand that I didn't magickally become super lung after this amount of not smoking. I have to gradually increase my stamina, it doesn't miraculously increase over 30 days. LOL!

I can hardly wait to feel the difference after training in cardio and strength training for at least 30 days plus. I figure after the years of abuse to my physical stature, I deserve some time to recuperate my health before taxing it too much. I wish I could afford a house of my own, that way I could work out in private without having to share machines with the rest of the apartment complex. At least I don't have to pay for a health club.

On the relationship front....wow that could be a long blog! For real!! What is it about relationships and me that always seems to screw up? I mean, I am to the point I think I should be terminally single! Every time I think something is going the way I want, I get another, are you ready for this? A reality check. Go figure. I mean, I DID tell my current girlfriend that "being ready to be the girlfriend of a rock star is not something many people make it through". Did she really listen? I think not. Matter of fact be known, she makes as many demands to my time and gets mad when I cannot come through with 100% attention to her rather than my career in music. I know it's never fair to anyone in a relationship to have to share the time together, but in all fairness, I did warn her about what to expect from me. This is just into the rehearsal time too. Not going over 45 miles 3 times per week to see her has caused her some stress and makes her think I don't want to be with her. Instead, her head has conversations without me talking to her! I have had thos issues before, but I worked through them successfully. I grew past my silent 1 sided conversations and sabatoging relationships because I want out. That's all in my past. However....in the past few months, I have come to realize, I am not the only one in the relationship to worry about it. With going to the studio twice per week, she already thinks we have "grown apart". Well, what happens when I leave for weeks or months at a time? What about tour? I know she's important, just as our son is. I know she has feelings, but I do too. I cannot afford to put off my dream any longer, for anyone. I can hold true to my commitment to my son and time with him, but, I am seriously considering breaking my relationship for the time being. This way I can focus on music more than I already do. After all, I may not make a million dollars overnight, but without the effort put forth into the musical arena, I may be working on the dream until retirement age. I don't want that to be my "Quest for the Holy Grail". You know?

I need to be able to put 90% of my attention into my craft. Not to mention I still have to work 9-5 to pay my bills until I can escape the check to check issue. Once I can devote ALL my waking time to my new career in the industry, then I will feel better. And yes, I do consider that to be realistic and a goal worth working towards. Sacrifice, hmmm, should I sacrifice my companionship issues to be more in tune with my band? Should I focus all my free time to working on music? Does that make it okay? Do I hurt others in the process and feel okay about it all when the results come in? Do I work for the platinum record in life and forget all other emotions in my life? What about love? I want to be loved and love someone as well, but what cost do I pay?

Just random thoughts, after all, that is why I blog under that heading.

Peace out.